It's always nice to read about products that people love, products that change people's lives* and make them look better and, more importantly, feel better. But sometimes, there's part of me that loves even more to read about products that people hate. You know, have a good old bitching session about a concealer or a mascara or a cleanser. Because we're all mature like that. Anyway, today I'm showing you three hair products that I really don't like. Like, REALLY don't like**
Let's go left to right. The KMS California Hairstay Style Boost came in a Boudoir Prive box*** I believe, late last year. Billed as a styling foundation for hair, this is a weird, mousse-gel hybrid that crackles in your hand, kind of like those sweets that crackle when you put them in your mouth****.
The consistency is like a really watery mousse that feels sticky to the touch. I run it through my towel-dried hair and style as usual and I think it's supposed to add a bit of volume and smoothing and generally a bit of a boost. However, it just leaves my (fine but thick) hair lank and greasy-looking, and weighs it down rather than gives it a lift. The novelty factor of the crackling soon wears off when your hair looks like shit one hour after washing. Not a good look.
Next is the John Frieda Sheer Blonde Go Blonder lightening spray that got a lot of coverage last summer. This is a bit of a controversial one because, in theory, I love it. It's essentially a grown up Sun-In, that lovely spray bottle of, basically, bleach, that got a lot of love in the 80's and 90's to add that sunkissed (read: brassy) streakiness to hair. The idea with the John Frieda spray is you apply it a few times a week, or even less, to lift highlights or add a bit of blonde through hair if you want it to be a bit lighter.
In short, I doused myself liberally with this every day for about two weeks, and surprisingly enough, my hair looked shit. I didn't really expect it to do anything if I'm honest, so didn't worry too much about bleaching my hair. I thought it wouldn't even really do anything (don't ask why I bought it if I thought this, we all do stupid things) but actually it's very effective. It works better if you regularly use heat on your hair, which I do, and within three or four days my hair was noticeably lighter. I say "noticeably", I hadn't noticed a difference but other people started commenting on my hair, asking if I'd dyed it. At first I was pleased but after getting someone to take some photos, I realised it looked..well...bad.
The problem is that this product has the consistency of water and dispenses from a spray pump, so it's kind of hard to apply it in any discernible places on the hair to create a 'style'. In essence, you're basically spritzing your hair with bleach, with no control over the placement of the product. As such, you end up a patchy, streaky, sorry mess and will consequently resort to dyeing your hair a very bright red in an attempt to rectify your follicle situation, and frankly, that's not the road that everybody wishes to travel. So I advise you give this a miss.
Finally, and perhaps most disappointingly, the Hei Poa Pur Monoi Tahiti Coco treatment. I'd been after this for ages and finally bought it late last year, hoping to inject a bit of tropical sunshine into my grey, sub-zero days. Firstly, this smells UNBELIEVABLE. Like, absolute beach holiday coconut sunshine sex in a bottle. It's totally yummy. The consistency is a thick, white balm that's solid, cue initial blind confusion on my part. Do I smash the bottle to get it out? Do I delve in with a tiny spatula to drag out product each time I use it? No Kathrine, how about you READ THE BLOODY INSTRUCTIONS??? Hmmm??? What you need to do is melt it before use. Bit of a faff, no doubt, but easy enough. Leave standing for a few minutes in hot water (or the shower) or pop next to the radiator. Soon enough, it transforms into an oil. Lovely.
Problem is, it's a horrible oil. It's thick and greasy and doesn't seem to penetrate my hair and moisturise it as much as it does coat it and leave it feeling lank and like a chip pan. A very nice-smelling chip pan, but a chip pan nonetheless. I was so disappointed. I thought this was going to turn me into the Tahitian goddess I know I really am inside, but the reality saw me standing sadly in the bathroom smelling of beaches but looking like an old frying pan after twelve rounds in the caff at breakfast time. Not quite what I had in mind.
So, three hair products that definitely let me down. I guess it's back to squ-air one. No? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?
* I mean, not literally. Not in an Oprah kind of way. But kind of.
** I am enjoying the irony of posting about products I hate on the nationally recognised day of love.
*** PR sample
**** I do not advise squirting this in your mouth in the manner of a sweet product